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Old Memories I Don’t Want to Lose

This is a loose collection of memories, some big, some tiny, and some that probably don’t mean much to anyone except me, and no-one e;se will really care about. I’m trying to get them down before they disappear completely.

Take all dates with a pinch of salt. Unless I have firm evidence, they may be out by a year or two, but they’re close enough for me.

1973 - "Mucky Fat Sandwiches" - not really tied to a particular year, this one, but I was watching something on TV that reminded me of the snacks we used to have when we were young. One of them was the humble mucky fat sandwich, made with the fat that had congealed in the grill pan or roasting tin. It sounds pretty grim now, but nothing went to waste in those days.

1975 - The Day I Built a Bomb - not quite as alarming as it sounds, but probably still one of those things best explained properly.

1977 - "The Great Milk Escape" - I’m guessing I was about 10, and my sister Andrea was approaching nine, when we were asked to nip to the shop for a pint of milk. For younger readers, I should probably explain that milk bottles back then were made of glass, with a little foil cap on top.

Andrea had the milk bottle in the bottom of a plastic carrier bag and started swinging it around like a windmill. The full pint gave it a decent bit of weight, so she got a proper swing going, until the foil cap must have come loose and some of the milk escaped.

My dad, quite reasonably in hindsight, thought we’d just drunk some of it and didn’t believe we could have lost milk by swinging it round in a carrier bag. I’m fairly sure we got into trouble for that.

1980 - "I Accidentally Knocked a Wall Down!" - I'm guessing at the year, but the event itself is very clear. I was riding my bike around the streets, like all kids seemed to do back in the day, when I rounded a corner and realised I was too close to a low wall. Crunch. I hit the corner of it with my right pedal and, rather than bringing me off the bike, I somehow managed to pull the corner of the wall off instead. A big lump of bricks fell onto the pavement. Here's the location.

1982 - "A Drop Out of the Ordinary" - I remember a mate of mine, Chris, drawing this for a school art project; a splash of water, with one tiny droplet picked out in a different colour.

2005 - "A Tiger in the House" - I guess Rebecca was about six or so when she came running from the conservatory, or the “it-ree” as they used to call it, saying there was a tiger in there. Being the fun dad I was, I followed her in. She pointed to the corner where the tiger was and said, “There!”

I looked over and could only see the rocking horse that their grandma Pam had bought them. “Is that it?” I asked, playfully. “No, Dad!” Rebecca replied, in her sternest six-year-old voice. “That’s a horse.”

It proper put me in my place.

6th February 2022 - “Oscar’s Premonition” – On this day, we lost one of our rabbits, Sooty. I was digging his grave in the garden when our gorgeous cat Oscar sauntered over, looked into the hole and lay down beside it, watching me (a bit out of the ordinary for the little lad). I explained that it was all right, as I wasn’t digging it for him.

Just over two weeks later, on 21st February, we lost Oscar. He had a tumour that sadly couldn’t be operated on. I’ve always wondered whether he somehow knew, or had a premonition, that he would need a grave of his own very soon.

From £1 to £1m in 21 Steps

Ok, this started as a much smaller experiment.

The original idea was simple enough ... could I start with £5, buy a few small items, sell them on eBay, reinvest the money, and eventually turn that tiny pot into £1,000? 

That was the plan, and it is very doable, I have done it before, but I just wanted to document it this time.

But then I remembered an idea I’d heard years ago from someone talking about online selling. It was one of those ideas that sounds almost too simple to be useful, until you actually write the numbers down.

Start with £1. Double it. Then double it again. Keep doing that, one step at a time, and by the 21st step you have £1,048,576.

The maths is easy. The doing it bit is where it gets kinda interesting, and way more difficult.

So I’m changing the experiment. The original £5 to £1,000 challenge is now becoming something slightly bigger, slightly dafter, hopefully much more fun and rewarding, and probably much more interesting to follow.

This is now The 21 Step Challenge.

The challenge is not to pretend that making £1m on eBay is simple. It isn’t. The internet is already full of business "gurus" making business sound easier than it is, usually just before they try to sell you a course, a formula, or a ready made business.

This is different. I want to see how far the doubling idea can go in the real world, starting with tiny amounts of money, using eBay, clearance stock, old products I already have, low-cost buys, and whatever lessons appear along the way.

It might work for a while and then slow down badly. It might fall apart when the easy stock runs out. It might get stuck when the pot gets big enough that I need better sourcing, more storage, or more time than I’m willing to give it.

That’s part of the point.

The interesting bit is not just whether the money grows. It is what has to change at each step.

Quick note: before you copy any of this, please check your own tax position. If you are buying things with the intention of selling them for a profit, that can have tax implications. 

The 21 Step Ladder

Here is the ladder that makes the whole thing feel slightly ridiculous.

Starting with £1, each step simply doubles the previous amount. By the 11th step, you are past £1,000. By the 21st step, you are past £1m.

Current position: I started with £5 (9th June 2026), and the current value (as of 3rd Jul 26) of the challenge is now £78, that's step 7 of 21 already!

Starting pot £5.00
Current value £78.00
Step completed 7th
Next target £128.00
1st Step £1
Completed
2nd Step £2
Completed
3rd Step £4
Completed
4th Step £8
Completed
5th Step £16
Completed
6th Step £32
Completed
7th Step £64
Completed
8th Step £128
Current
9th Step £256
Future
10th Step £512
Future
11th Step £1,024
£1,000 milestone
12th Step £2,048
Future
13th Step £4,096
Future
14th Step £8,192
Future
15th Step £16,384
Future
16th Step £32,768
Future
17th Step £65,536
Future
18th Step £131,072
Future
19th Step £262,144
Future
20th Step £524,288
Future
21st Step £1,048,576
The big one

How I’ll Measure Progress

The easy mistake with this sort of challenge is to talk about sales as if sales are profit.

If I buy something for £8 and sell it for £13, I haven’t made £13 or even £5. I still need to account for postage, packaging, promoted listing fees (if I use them), and any other costs attached to that sale.

So the number I’ll track is not turnover. It is the current value of the pot.

Current value = profit made so far + cost of stock

That is deliberately cautious. It does not value unsold stock at what I hope it might sell for. If I have stock left, I count it at what it cost me. If it cost me nothing because it was already sitting in the shed, I record it as £0.00.

How I Moved Up The First Steps

I won’t list every tiny sale in this post because that would quickly become dull. The proper detail lives in my spreadsheet. What I’ll show here is the movement between steps: what I bought, what I sold, what worked, and what I learned.

Step update: 1st to 6th step

From a tiny starting pot to the 6th step of the ladder.


Current Value (25th June 2026) £55.28

Started with: £5.00 Step completed: 6th Next target: £64.00

What moved the pot: The first bit of movement came from small, useful, easy-to-post products. I started with hosepipe connectors bought from Tesco, then used the money from early sales to buy more small clearance items.

One of the better early results came from Oral B brush heads bought from the Tesco clearance aisle. They were bought for £8 and sold for £13, and one pack sold the day I listed it. That is the sort of product that makes sense in the early stages: small, known brand, easy to post, and not too hard for a buyer to understand.

I also added a few old bits from the shed, including drill bits and small unused ratchet straps. These were effectively free stock because they were already paid for and not being used. That makes the profit calculation slightly strange, but it is still real cash if they sell.

Lesson: at this stage, small and boring can be beautiful. The best early products are light, useful, non-breakable, easy to describe, and cheap enough that the buyer does not need to think too hard.


Next step: 7th step

The next target is to get the pot to £64.


Target £64.00

Status: Completed Current value: £55.28 Still needed: £8.72

The 7th step feels very reachable. One or two decent sales could get me there, especially if I can shift more of the small stock I already have.

The bigger question is what happens after that. Getting from £55.28 to £64 is not the hard part. The harder part is working out whether the same approach still works when the pot needs to reach £128, £256, and £512.

Next decision: do I keep looking for one-off bargains and old stock, or do I start looking for repeatable products I can buy again?

25th June 2026: I've had a bit of an epiphany this morning, so I got on like and ordered £9.20 worth of stock in shoe cleaning stuff, foam and wipes to be specific, I think it could be a good product test.

3rd July 2026: I had a couple of excellent sales this morning from basically old straps and ratchets that I had in my shed that are brand new, and it took me up to £78, and on to the next step.


Status: In progress Current value: £78.00/span> Still needed: £50.00

Actually wasn't as difficult as I thought to reach this step. I probably had 5-6 days when I didn't get any sales at all, and it does make you wonder if you're ever going to sell anything again, but I held my nerve and BOOM! today a couple of good orders landed (almost £30 worth).

At the moment I am carrying on as I am doing, as if today I need £50 to get to the next step, but after todays sales, it seems very doable. I have the shoe clening stuff arriving from AiExpress in the next day or two. I've just listed a couple of products that were on sale in Tescos (bike shampoo stuff!), I spent £10.80, but expect to virtually double my money on them, the Tesco sale ends next week, so they will hopefully sell shortly after that, in fact I may buy a few more this weekend.


The Bigger Question

The early steps are almost a scavenger hunt. Find something cheap. Find something free. Find something in the garage. Find something in a clearance aisle. List it properly, price it sensibly, post it quickly, and keep the money moving.

That is useful, but it probably only gets you so far.

Like I said, at some point, if this keeps going, the challenge changes. It stops being about whether I can sell odd bits and starts becoming about whether I can find repeatable stock.

That could mean buying small quantities from UK suppliers. It could mean bigger retail arbitrage (buying discounted or clearance products and selling online for a profit). It could mean buying job lots. Much later, it might mean sourcing from overseas, creating an own-brand product, or using a fulfilment house.

But there is a trap there.

A bigger business is not automatically a better life. If the challenge ever reached serious money, I would not want to spend every evening surrounded by boxes, tape, labels, and mild regret. The point of building something is not to lose every spare hour to it.

So this challenge has two questions running side by side.

Can I keep doubling the money?

And just as importantly:

Can I do it without making life worse?

What I’ll Track As The Challenge Grows

As the ladder gets higher, I’ll track more than just the money.

I’ll keep notes on what I bought, what sold, how quickly it sold, how much postage cost, how much time it took, and whether I would buy the same product again.

I’ll also track the bigger turning points. Things like when it makes sense to print labels at home, when it makes sense to move from single items to small batches, when postage collection becomes worth it, and when storage starts becoming a real issue.

Those are the bits I think will be most useful. Anyone can say “buy low, sell high”. The real learning is in the messy details.

Early Lessons

Small, light, useful, non-breakable, easy-to-post items still feel like the best place to start.

Postage matters more than almost anything else. A product can look profitable until you realise it is awkward to pack, too thick for the cheapest service, or likely to cause delivery headaches.

Titles matter too. eBay search is not the same as website SEO, but keywords still matter. A title like “Universal Adjustable Garden Hose Tap Connector Mixer Adaptor 15-19mm No Thread” is not pretty writing, but it is probably much better than something vague and tidy.

Descriptions do not need to be essays, but they do need to remove doubt. If something only fits taps from 15mm to 19mm, say that clearly. If a product is not suitable for lifting, say that clearly. If something is out of its original packaging, say that clearly too.

I also need to avoid panicking if something does not sell in the first day or two. If the price is fair, the listing is clear, and the product has demand, sometimes the best thing to do is leave it alone.

21 Step Challenge FAQ

General challenge questions

What is the 21 Step Challenge?

The 21 Step Challenge is based on a simple doubling idea. Start with £1, double it to £2, then double it again to £4, and keep going until the 21st step, which is £1,048,576.

I’m using it as a live eBay selling experiment to see how far a tiny starting pot can grow by buying carefully, selling clearly, and reinvesting the money.

Why start with £1 if I actually started with £5?

The ladder starts at £1 because that is the cleanest way to show the doubling idea.

My own experiment started with £5, so technically I began part way up the ladder. That is fine. The point is not to be mathematically pure. The point is to use the ladder as a simple way to track progress.

Is this really about making £1m?

Not really. Or at least, not in the shiny internet sense.

The £1m number is what makes the maths interesting, but the real challenge is seeing how far the idea works in practice. The early steps are about eBay, small products, postage, and reinvesting. The later steps would involve much bigger decisions about stock, storage, sourcing, fulfilment, tax, and time.

What counts as completing a step?

A step is completed when the current value of the challenge reaches or passes that step’s target.

For example, the 6th step is £32. Once the pot passed £32, that step was completed. The next target is the 7th step at £64.

Tracking the money

What does current value mean?

For this challenge, current value means net profit made so far plus stock still held at cost.

That keeps the number grounded. I am not counting hoped-for sales or imaginary future profit. If stock is still unsold, I count it at what it cost me.

Do free products count?

Yes, but I record the cost as £0.00.

If I already own a product and sell it, the cash generated still helps the challenge. But I do not want to pretend I paid for stock that was already sitting in the shed.

Do I include stock that has not sold yet?

Yes, but only at cost.

If I bought something for £10 and it has not sold yet, I count it as £10 of stock held. I do not count it as £18 just because I hope to sell it for £18 later.

Do I include postage and packaging costs?

Yes. Postage and packaging can make or break small eBay products, so they need to be included.

If I sell something for £10 but it costs £3 to post and 30p to pack, that has to come off the profit. Free postage is not really free. It is just hidden inside the selling price.

How am I tracking profit?

I’m using a spreadsheet with an inventory tab, a sales log, an expenses tab, and a monthly summary.

The inventory tab helps me track stock. The sales log keeps the actual sales record. The monthly summary tells me whether the pot is genuinely growing or whether postage, packaging, fees, and slow-moving stock are eating away at it.

Buying and selling

What sort of products am I starting with?

I’m starting with small, useful, easy-to-post products.

So far, that has included hosepipe connectors, clearance aisle buys, Oral B brush heads, drill bits, cam buckle straps, and other small trade or household products.

Am I only selling on eBay?

For now, yes.

eBay is the easiest place to restart because I already have an account, even though it had been dormant for years. Later, if the challenge grows, other channels might make sense, but I do not want to overcomplicate it too early.

Will I list every product I buy and sell?

Not in the main post.

I’ll keep the proper records behind the scenes, but on this page I’ll summarise the products and lessons that moved the challenge forward; I will share ideas of products that I am buying because I know that when faced with thousands of options, we sometimes have no idea what to buy!

What makes a good early product?

For me, a good early product is small, light, useful, non-breakable, easy to describe, and easy to post.

It also helps if it is a known brand or a product someone is likely to search for when they need it. Boring products can be very good products.

What has worked so far?

Small clearance items and old stock have worked better than expected.

The hosepipe connectors sold well enough to get things moving. The Oral B brush heads sold quickly. Old shed stock such as drill bits and straps helped because the cost was effectively zero, which makes even small sales useful.

Scaling the challenge

When does retail arbitrage stop being enough?

I suspect it starts getting harder somewhere around the middle of the ladder.

Retail arbitrage can work well when the pot is small, but it is time-heavy and unreliable. You have to keep finding bargains. At some point, the challenge probably needs repeatable products, not just lucky finds.

When would I buy stock in larger quantities?

Only when I have evidence that a product sells, the margin works, and the postage is predictable.

Buying 2 or 3 of something is very different from buying 50. The bigger the buy, the more careful I need to be.

Would I source from UK suppliers?

Possibly. If the challenge reaches the point where I need repeatable stock, UK suppliers would probably be the first place to look.

That would keep things simpler than importing, especially around delivery times, minimum order quantities, compliance, and quality control.

Would I import from China?

Maybe one day, but not early on.

Importing can open up better margins and own-brand possibilities, but it also brings bigger risks: minimum order quantities, product quality, shipping, duty, compliance, cash tied up in stock, and the possibility of buying a lot of something that nobody wants.

When would I consider own-brand products?

Only if I found a product type that clearly worked and could be improved, bundled, branded, or presented better than the existing options.

Own-brand sounds exciting, but it is also a bigger commitment. At that point, the challenge starts looking less like casual eBay selling and more like a proper business.

When does fulfilment become worth it?

Fulfilment becomes worth considering when packing orders starts taking too much time or limiting growth.

But fulfilment also costs money, reduces margin, and adds another layer of complexity. I would only consider it if the product was repeatable, the volume was steady, and the margin could cope with someone else doing the packing.

Real-life stuff

What about tax?

This is one of the reasons I’m tracking everything properly.

Selling personal items you no longer want is one thing. Buying products with the intention of selling them for profit is different. I’m not giving tax advice here, but if you try something similar, check the rules and keep records from the start.

What about storage?

Storage is one of the hidden problems with this kind of challenge.

Small products are fine. A few plastic boxes are fine. But if the challenge grows, stock can quickly take over a room, a garage, or in my case, possibly a corner of the bar and brewing area.

How much time does it take?

At the start, not too much. Listing a few small items, packing orders, and dropping parcels off is manageable.

But as sales grow, time becomes part of the calculation. A product that makes £2 profit but takes ages to pack, label, and post may not be as good as it looks.

When does this stop being fun?

Probably when the admin, packing, storage, and customer service become bigger than the enjoyment of the challenge.

That is something I want to watch carefully. Making money is nice, but building a tiny cardboard prison in the house is not the dream.

What happens if it takes years?

Then it takes years.

I’ll put dates against the steps because that makes the challenge honest. If it takes 2 years to reach a certain point, that is useful information. A slow, real experiment is more interesting than a fast, fake one.

What if I fail?

Then that becomes part of the story.

The challenge might stall. I might buy bad stock. eBay limits might slow things down. Postage costs might kill the margin. The point is not to pretend the whole thing is guaranteed. The point is to see what actually happens.

Final note: I’ll keep updating this post as the challenge moves forward. Each step will show the target, the current value, what moved the pot, and the lesson learned along the way. The maths says 21 steps gets you to £1,048,576. Real life may have other ideas.

My Big DuckDuckGo Question

It was one of those boring meetings where your body is technically in the room, but your brain has already gone wandering. This happens to me A LOT.

I had my phone in my hand and, for no useful reason at all, wondered what the traffic on my digital garden looked like over the past week. I haven't posted in a while, so curiosity got the better of me.

What struck me most was the amount of traffic coming from DuckDuckGo.

According to Umami, I had 324 visitors in the past 7 days, and 37 of them had arrived from DuckDuckGo. That was around 11% of my traffic, which genuinely surprised me as I only had 1 visitor from Google. I knew people used DuckDuckGo, of course, but I didn't realise it was sending that much traffic my way.

Then I started wondering about the people, and therefore the reason, behind those numbers.

Are DuckDuckGo users the indie, slightly boho searchers of the internet? The people who still bookmark odd little websites, read personal blogs, avoid the algorithmic sludge, and prefer the quieter corners of the web?

For a brief moment, I really liked that idea, I often think of myself in those ways, so it felt like I was talking to my people.

A digital garden isn’t really a standard corporate website. It isn’t a polished marketing blog either. It’s a scruffier thing than that, well mine is anyway. A personal corner of the web. Half notebook, half archive, half “I’ll come back and tidy this later”, which admittedly is three halves, but that sum feels about right for my digital garden.

And maybe the people who seek out these spaces are also the kind of people who choose alternative search engines. People who are a bit more intentional about their digital footprint. People who don’t just default to Google because it’s there. People who are still curious enough to look beyond the usual platforms.

That was my first theory ... then, with curiosity still surging inside of me, 10 minutes later I dug a bit deeper into the stats and slightly ruined my own romantic idea.

It turns out that around 92% of the DuckDuckGo traffic was landing on one page: my Pinter brewing times page.

Out of curiosity, I searched for “pinter brewing times” myself. On DuckDuckGo, my page was showing in positions 3 and 6. On Bing, it was also sitting around position 3. On Google, it was nowhere to be seen.

That made the whole thing even more interesting.

Most of the other results on DuckDuckGo and Bing were from the official Pinter site. So my scruffy little garden page, written from actual batches and real experience, was sitting among the official results as one of the few non-brand answers to the question.

Someone searching for “Pinter brewing times” probably doesn’t just want the official answer. They can get that easily enough. What they really want is the unofficial answer. The lived-in answer. The “I’ve brewed this myself and here’s what actually worked” answer.

That’s where personal websites like mine still have a place, they can answer the awkward little questions brands don’t always answer properly. They can add the human bit. The experiment. The note in the margin. The small practical detail that only appears once someone has actually used the thing in their own kitchen.

Because someone searching for real Pinter brewing times probably isn’t just drifting around the indie web looking for quirky little blogs. They probably already own a Pinter. They probably have a brew fermenting somewhere in the house. They probably want to know whether the official brewing times are enough, whether other people are leaving it longer, and whether their beer is about to turn into something drinkable or something they’ll quietly pour down the sink.

In other words, they’re not browsing. They’re trying to solve a problem.

And that might explain the DuckDuckGo thing better than my original “boho indie web” theory.

If you’re searching for something like Pinter brewing times, Google can feel a bit noisy. You get adverts, shopping results, official pages, old forum posts, and content that may or may not have been written by someone who has ever actually brewed the thing. But a person searching on DuckDuckGo might be looking for something a bit more direct. Less polished. Less commercial. More “has a real person tried this, and what happened?”

That’s exactly what my Pinter page is.

It isn’t a sales page. It isn’t a polished guide written to shift units. It’s just me, my own batches, my own brewing times, and my own attempts to work out what makes the beer better.

There may also be a crossover between the kind of person who homebrews with a Pinter and the kind of person who uses DuckDuckGo. Gadget-loving hobbyists. Tech-minded professionals. DIY types. People who like tinkering with things at home and finding their own way through a problem rather than simply accepting the official version.

Which, now I think about it, is basically me.

I like gadgets. I like brewing beer at home. I like fiddling with things until they work better. I also decided to build my digital garden on Blogger, which is not exactly the obvious choice in 2026, so perhaps I’m not in the strongest position to accuse anyone else of avoiding the conventional route.

There’s a search engine quirk in there too. DuckDuckGo has its own crawler and uses a number of sources, but its regular web results are largely sourced from Bing. When I looked a little closer at my Umami dashboard, Bing was performing fairly well too, with around 6.5% of all traffic.

So perhaps my little garden, or at least that Pinter page, has found a comfortable home in that particular part of the search world, while Google continues to stand outside, peering through the hedge, deciding whether anything here is worth indexing properly.

I quite like that. For me, Google can keep looking and wondering.

The DuckDuckGo traffic doesn’t necessarily mean my garden is being discovered by wandering citizens of the indie web. Not entirely, anyway. It might simply mean that practical people, searching with slightly different tools, are finding a practical page that gives them something useful.

And honestly, that might be better, because the more I think about it, the more a digital garden should work like that. It shouldn’t just be a place for grand thoughts and half-finished essays. It should also be a place where one oddly specific note, written from real experience, helps someone else at exactly the right moment.

Maybe that’s the real point here ... not that DuckDuckGo users are all indie web romantics. Not that my garden has suddenly become a destination for privacy-conscious digital wanderers. But that a page about brewing times, written by someone who has actually brewed the beer, can still cut through.

Even if it does so via DuckDuckGo and not Google!

And honestly, I’ll take that any day for my tiny little digital garden.

What Will Happen To My Garden

I was just wondering what will happen to my garden when I am no longer here.

I dare say that, initially, no one will give two hoots. Life moves on, people are busy, and I’m not sure anyone will be rushing to read through years of my ramblings the moment I’m gone.

But as the years go by, I do wonder whether my children, or even my grandchildren, or great grand children, might become interested in some of the drivel I’ve written here. Not because it is especially important, or beautifully crafted, but because it is mine. It is a little record of how I thought, what I noticed, what made me laugh, what wound me up, and what mattered to me at different points in my life.

I’d hate for it all to simply disappear and never see the light of day again.

Speaking (or perhaps more accurately typing) out loud, I wonder if I could develop some sort of PANIC button that instantly converts all the posts to PDFs and saves them somewhere else. I’m sure there will be a more subtle solution than that, and I probably need to find it, but the thought has definitely lodged itself in my head.

All my normal social media stuff can rot, for all I care. Most of that is disposable by nature anyway. But this garden feels different. This is the bit I’d quite like to be around in some format, even if it is only tucked away somewhere for someone to stumble across years from now.

Nowt To Do With Me, Springs and Hinges

I said something to a work colleague today that took me straight back more than thirty years, and I thought I’d better get the story down before it disappears forever.

I started working for BT, or British Telecom, or British Telecommunications plc depending on how you remember it, back in the days before everything had been smoothed out by the internet. I was there until 1997, when I moved to GPT, (GEC Plessey Telecommunications). That’s a whole other story.

Back in the 80s and 90s, BT still had those old red telephone boxes dotted all over the place. They’re remembered now as lovely bits of British street furniture, very iconic back in the day, but anyone who actually used them will remember a slightly different reality.

They usually smelt of wee. You also felt like you might catch something just by standing in one for too long. And, if you did manage to survive the smell, you then had to battle your way back out through a door held shut by springs so strong you practically needed to be Geoff Capes to open it (anyone under 50 may need to look him up). It was just as difficult sometimes to open these things, and the silly little handles didn't really give you any purchase!

Every so often, our BT office in Leeds would get calls from customers complaining that people were struggling to open the phone box doors, and they wanted someone to do something about it.

One of the departments we had back then was Directories. They managed Directory Enquiries, where operators gave out telephone numbers, and Directory Production, which involved producing those enormous paper phone books that used to land on everyone’s doorstep. Pre-internet life must look almost prehistoric now.

Anyway, the chap who headed up the Directories team in Leeds used to get loads of these “phone box door” calls transferred through to him from the switchboard. I’ve no idea why, other than every phone box had a paper directory in it, so someone must have decided it was vaguely connected.

It wasn’t.

Every now and again, you’d hear him answer one of these calls with something along the lines of:

“Nowt to do with me. Springs and hinges.”

I may have paraphrased that slightly, but that was the gist of it.

The funny thing is, we actually had an engineering team that looked after the springs and hinges in phone boxes. That was a real thing. Somewhere inside BT, there were people whose job included making sure the doors on red telephone boxes opened and closed properly.

So now, every so often, when someone asks me something that has absolutely nothing to do with me, I still find myself saying, “Nowt to do with me. Springs and hinges.”, which I did this morning, and remembering this story brought a smile to my face.

No big reason for this story, really. But that’s what a digital garden is for, isn’t it? A little bit of history, a little bit of nonsense, and something small that made me chuckle today.

How I Learned to Love a Cheap Lidl Beer

When I first tried Steam Brew’s The Spark’s, I really didn’t like it.

The 7.8% ABV Imperial IPA had a harsh alcoholic edge that seemed to overpower everything else. I reviewed it in May 2025, scored it 6 out of 10 (and I think I may have overscored it a tad originally), and I expected that to be the end of it, and move on to the next beer.

But I found a week later I bought it again.

Part of that was the price. At around £1.49 for a 500ml can, it felt worth another try. It also helped that Lidl is our closest supermarket, so Lidl’s The Spark was always easy to pick up.

There were things I liked about it from the start. It had citrus, stone fruit, sweet malt and a gentle herbal bitterness. The problem was that the alcohol stood out too much.

Then, after a few more cans, something changed. The harshness didn’t bother me as much. The citrus seemed brighter, juicier, the sweetness made a little more sense, and the alcohol warmth started to feel like part of the beer rather than something fighting against it.

I don’t think the beer changed. More likely, my palate adjusted and I became more familiar with what it was trying to do.

My score eventually moved from 6 out of 10 to 7.5. It went from a beer I tolerated to one I regularly looked forward to drinking on a weekend.

There’s a wider lesson in all this for me. You shouldn’t force yourself to keep trying something you hate, but when there are a few positives hiding underneath that first reaction, it can be worth going back.

Tastes change. Palates adjust. Sometimes a beer you dislike at first can become one you genuinely enjoy; it's probably the same as things in life generally!

Representation Has Gone Too Far

I’m pissed off with the way TV programmes keep matching presenters and reporters to the subject they’re covering.

A story about disability apparently needs a disabled reporter. An interview with the Scottish football team at the 2026 World Cup apparently needs a Scottish presenter. It’s bloody ridiculous.

I’m not sure “positive discrimination” is quite the right term. It feels more like forced representation or identity matching. Either way, surely the best person for the job should be the person who gets it.

The Day I Built a Bomb

When I was about seven or eight years old, back in the mid-70s, kids had a lot more freedom than they do now. Most weekends involved disappearing for hours with your mates, getting filthy, climbing things you shouldn’t climb, and generally causing low-level chaos without adults knowing where you were.

I did once set light to somebody’s garden! But they had cut down their long grass and left it to dry out in Summer. What were they thinking! Looking back, it’s amazing any of us survived childhood intact. BTW, if you lived at 17 Crewe Avenue (Ferrybridge), in the 1970's, I apologise for my behaviour!

At the bottom of our road there was a row of old wooden garages, there are houses there now, but it was about here, it was tucked between our school and the cemetery, with a field for horses on one side. One day we discovered that if you shifted some loose boarding around the back of one of them, you could squeeze inside. 

The garage looked abandoned to us ... honestly. There were car parts everywhere, old paint tins, bits of copper pipe, electrical cable, tools, and a couple of empty gas canisters. To a group of young lads, it looked like buried treasure.

So naturally, we decided to build a “bomb”.

Not a real one obviously. More the sort of ridiculous Heath Robinson contraption only children could invent. We threaded cables through car radiators, stuck pipes into paint tins, connected random bits of metal together, and made the whole thing look as dramatic as possible. 

We thought it was hilarious. None of us had the slightest idea how serious it might appear to somebody else, especially during a time when news about bombs and the troubles in Northern Ireland filled the television almost daily.

The next day, bomb disposal turned up.

I still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I saw them there. Even as a kid, I suddenly realised this wasn’t funny any more. We’d actually convinced grown adults that something dangerous had been hidden in that garage. 

Thankfully, after a few tense hours, they packed up and left without blowing anything sky high. Our masterpiece of wires, pipes, and scrap metal had been exactly what it really was ... a pile of junk arranged by bored children with too much imagination.

It still makes me laugh now, but there’s also a strange little lesson buried in it somewhere. Kids often don’t understand the world they’re growing up inside. We were pretending to build something from an adventure film, while the adults around us were seeing something entirely different.

The Building Blocks of Better SEO

A short, practical guide to the layers that help product pages rank better in Google.

I was recently asked to look at SEO for a couple of product ranges for our New Zealand business. Nothing unusual there. Product SEO is one of those jobs that sounds simple at first, then quickly turns into a pile of small, connected jobs.

You can’t just add a keyword to a title, write a quick paragraph, and expect Google to suddenly fall in love with the page. Sometimes that helps, but proper SEO is built in layers. Some layers have a bigger ranking impact than others, but they all support each other.

The image below is a simple way of thinking about it.

The Building Blocks of Better SEO pyramid showing content, authority, site architecture, keyword research and technical foundations.

1. Helpful, high-quality content

This is usually the biggest piece. A product page needs to be useful to the person landing on it. That means clear product details, practical descriptions, specifications, FAQs, and anything that helps the buyer make a decision.

For construction and trade products, this might include sizes, materials, use cases, compatibility, pack quantities, safety information, installation notes, and the type of customer or job the product is best suited for.

Google’s own guidance talks about creating helpful, reliable, people-first content, rather than content written mainly to manipulate rankings. That’s a useful test for product pages. Would this page genuinely help a buyer, or is it just a thin page with a few search terms sprinkled in?

2. Authority and trust signals

Good content works better when the wider web gives Google reasons to trust the site. Relevant links, trade mentions, customer references, reviews, supplier relationships, and brand mentions can all help build confidence around a business.

For a B2B construction product range, this doesn’t have to mean chasing hundreds of random backlinks. A link or mention from a relevant merchant, trade customer, industry partner, buying group, case study, supplier page, or local business profile may be far more useful than a pile of weak directory links.

Google also says links help it discover pages and understand relevance, so internal and external linking still matter when they’re natural, crawlable, and useful. 

3. Site architecture and internal linking

Even strong product pages can struggle if they’re buried too deep or disconnected from the rest of the site.

A sensible structure helps both users and search engines understand what the business sells. Categories, subcategories, product ranges, and supporting guides should link together in a way that feels obvious.

For example, a temporary fencing page might naturally link to construction barriers, pedestrian barriers, road cones, safety signage, and relevant support articles. This isn’t just an SEO trick. It helps customers move around the site and find related products.

4. Keyword research and search intent

Keyword research isn’t about stuffing pages with phrases. It’s about understanding how customers search.

In the New Zealand market, people may use different language from UK customers. They may search by product name, use case, category, regulation, or problem. That matters. A page targeting “temporary fencing” may need different wording from one targeting “site fencing”, “construction fencing”, or “crowd control barriers”.

The aim is to map each page to the right search intent. Product pages should target buying or specification searches. Guides and FAQs can target research searches. Category pages can sit between the two.

5. Technical foundations

The technical side doesn’t always feel glamorous, but it can quietly hold everything else back.

Pages need to be crawlable, indexable, fast enough, mobile-friendly, secure, and easy for Google to understand. Titles, headings, meta descriptions, image alt text, clean URLs, canonical tags, redirects, and structured data all play their part.

Google’s Search Essentials highlight the need for crawlable links, indexable content, and words that people would use when searching for your content. In plain English: Google needs to access the page, understand the page, and see that it matches what people are looking for.

Supporting signals

There are also smaller supporting signals that can help strengthen the overall picture.

Social mentions probably won’t transform rankings on their own, but they can increase visibility and lead to trade mentions, customer links, and brand searches. Schema markup can help search engines understand page content. Image optimisation can bring traffic through image search and improve page performance. Analytics helps show what is working. Regular updates keep pages accurate and useful.

None of these should replace the bigger layers, but they’re worth doing properly.

A simple SEO process for product ranges

For a product range, I’d keep the process fairly straightforward:

  1. Check whether the page can be crawled and indexed.
  2. Review the current title, H1, headings, meta description, and URL.
  3. Research how customers in that market actually search for the product.
  4. Map one main keyword theme to each page.
  5. Improve the product content so it answers real buyer questions.
  6. Add useful internal links from related categories, products, and guides.
  7. Look for genuine trade, supplier, customer, or partner mentions.
  8. Add or improve images, alt text, FAQs, and schema where useful.
  9. Track rankings, impressions, clicks, and enquiries over time.
  10. Review and update the page when the product, market, or Google guidance changes.

The main point

SEO works best when all the layers are in place. A technically sound page with thin content won’t do much. A brilliant guide that nobody links to or can easily find may also struggle. A page packed with keywords but written for nobody in particular is unlikely to build trust.

For product SEO, the best starting point is still simple: make the page genuinely useful, make sure Google can understand it, and connect it properly to the rest of the site.

That won’t guarantee rankings overnight, but it gives the page a much better chance.

Healthy Dog Treats

We got fed up with only really having unhealthy treats in supermarkets to give Hela, our German Shepherd, so I went hunting for a healthy dog treat recipe that she’d actually enjoy.

And I think I found it.

These are really simple sweet potato dog biscuit recipe. They’re basically just two ingredients, with one optional extra if your pampered pooch fancies a bit more flavour (Hela did).

You’ll need:

  • 240g wholemeal flour
  • 225g sweet potato, cooked and pureed
  • Optional extra: crispy bacon, blended into a powder

I cook the bacon until it’s nice and crispy, then blend it down into a powder before adding it to the mix. You don’t need loads, just enough to give the biscuits that little bacon smell dogs seem to detect from three rooms away. I suppose you could substitute for chicken, or perhaps even cheese or a little peanut butter (although you might have to add a little more flour).

Mix everything together. It’s easier while the sweet potato is still warm, as it helps bring the dough together, don't be afraid to get in with your hands to mix it.

Once mixed, let the dough rest for around 20 to 30 minutes. I’m not entirely sure what the resting actually does, but the biscuits do seem to come out better when the dough has had a bit of time to relax. Maybe biscuits need a breather too.

I then roll them into half golf ball size and squash down a little.

Preheat the oven to 180°C (Gas Mark 4), then bake the biscuits for 20 to 25 minutes (fan oven).

Once they’re done, switch the oven off and leave the biscuits inside until they’ve cooled completely. You’re basically drying them out, which helps them store better and stops them going mouldy.

And that’s it. Simple, cheap, homemade dog treats that Hela absolutely adores, hope your pooch does too.

As with any homemade dog treat, feed in moderation and avoid adding salt, seasoning, onion, garlic, or anything else unsuitable for dogs.

From £5 to £1000: eBay Selling Experiment

Note: Only 15 days in and I've abandoned £5 to £1000 challenge for a more challenging experiment to make a million. Lets see how I do.

This is going to be a fun little big experiment.

I’ve spent many years working in marketing and ecommerce, and I’ve sold bits and pieces on eBay, Amazon, and Etsy before. Not recently though. It’s been a long, long time since I properly listed things, packed orders, watched prices, and tried to make a small margin.

I was recently asked by a mate, "how easy is it to make money from ebay?", from previous periods in my life when I have flirted with eBay sales, my answer was "Easy, and not easy".
You see it is easy to put stuff on there are selling, odds and sods can sell fairly easily, but doing it consistently isn't always easy.

So, an little experiemnt for myself, from today and from virtually a standing start, how easy would it be to make £1,000 on eBay, starting with as little as £5?

The idea is simple enough. I buy something cheaply, sell it for more, then reinvest the money back into the next purchase. No big stock buy. No pretending this is a business empire. Just a small rolling pot, a few sensible buys, and a bit of patience.

There is one extra wrinkle, though. I’m not doing this with a brand new eBay account, but I’m not exactly starting with a fully active seller account either.

The account I’ll be using has been dormant since October 2021, so eBay is treating it cautiously and at the moment, I’m restricted to 18 items and no more than £190 in sales each month. In practical terms, that means I’m pretty much starting from scratch.

I started by spending £5 in Tescos this morning on some hosepipe connectors. They feel like the sort of product that could work well on eBay: useful, small enough to post, not too fragile, and the kind of thing someone might search for when they need one rather than when they’re just browsing.

From previous experience, there are a few things worth remembering about eBay. It isn’t Amazon. The buyer mindset is different.

eBay buyers are often looking for value, something specific, something a bit unusual, or a replacement part they can’t easily find elsewhere. They’re also more aware of the individual seller. Feedback matters. Photos matter. A clear description matters. And I think interaction matters too. A quick, human reply can still make a difference.

Another key thing for me is postage. I’ll be offering free postage wherever possible because, rightly or wrongly, listings with free postage often feel simpler and more attractive to buyers.

Of course, free postage isn’t really free. It has to be built into the selling price, along with packaging, tape, envelopes, fees if they apply, and the original cost of the item.

That’s the part I want to track properly.

If I spend £6.50 and sell the items for £10, that doesn’t mean I’ve made £3.50. I need to take off postage, packing materials, and any selling costs. Only then do I know the real profit.

The challenge is to see whether I can grow a tiny starting pot into £1,000 by buying carefully, selling clearly, and reinvesting the profit rather than taking it out.

It might work. It might crawl along painfully slowly. I might discover that hosepipe connectors are the new Bitcoin, although probably not.

Either way, I’ll keep track of what I buy, what I sell, what I spend, and what the running pot looks like each month.

Before you start, please investigate your tax implications for a side hustle. 

How I’ll Track It

I don’t want this to become a vague “I think I made a bit of money” sort of challenge. If I’m going to do it, I might as well track it properly.

The important number isn’t sales. It’s the running value of stock and cash, which I'll report on at the end of each month and comment on what I bought and sold, simple as that ... now let’s see what happens.

Monthly Tally

Month End: June 2026

Stock and cash in hand

Current Value £41.64

Comments: The experiment has started way better than expected, just 3 weeks and made lots of sales on eBay, towards the end of the months some day I was getting 3-4 orders, so had to keep reinvesting the cash straight away. The account is still restricted because it has been dormant since October 2021, so the early aim is not just profit, but proving the account is active, reliable, and worth trusting again, it's like starting off from zero.

The current value is based on what eBay is showing, along with stock and cash in hand. I’ll keep tracking this each month to see whether the small starting pot is genuinely growing, or whether postage, packaging, and slow-moving stock quietly eat away at it.

The hosepipe connectors sold very well and gave me some cash to buy some products from the clearance aisle in my local Tescos (definitely an aisle worth checking out). I bought some Oral B brush heads that sold the same day and that allowed me to reinvest and get another pack the same day, that sold quickly again (both bought for £8 and sold for £13).

I had a few small odds and sods of drill bits and small cam buckle straps in the shed and not used, so I added them too, effectively cost me nothing, but worth adding for a tiny profit after postage to show eBay that its a trading account.  Spend just £4 on some small padded envelopes and this kind of plastic envelope, but I bought from Home Bargains!

Lessons Learnt

Small, light, useful, non-breakable, easy-to-post items feel like the best place to start.

I did do some promotions, and even at 2% (if a sale comes from a sponsored link in eBay, you only pay 2% of the sale price in a commission), by the and of the month I had 4 extra sales this way. 

Slightly overthink the Titles and fill them with keywords that potential buyers might use to find your product, so for example instead of "Easy-Fit Adjustable Garden Hose Adaptor for Round Mixer Taps", it should be written as "Universal Adjustable Garden Hose Tap Connector Mixer Adaptor 15-19mm No Thread".

Don't over think the eBay description, but have enough info on these that a potential buyer knows exactly what the are buying. I kept adding things like "Please check your tap size before ordering. This connector is suitable for taps from 15mm to 19mm in diameter." because I have had occasions in the past when buyers haven't checked the listing too well and ended up getting refunds because products didn't fit.

In eBay postage, exclude the following areas as they increase postage costs (Northern Ireland, Isle of Man, Scottish Highlands / North Scotland, Scottish Islands / West coast, Isle of Wight and the Isles of Scilly.

Don't think that products have to sell in a day or two and fiddle with the price, bringing it down until it sells, if have put it on eBay for a fair price that gives you the profit you want, leave it, it will eventually sell.

Should Age Checks Start With the Phone?

There’s been a lot written in the popular press about children accessing social media platforms and pornography, and about the need for these platforms to carry out some form of age verification.

There’s also the wider question of whether underage children should have certain features throttled back on their smartphones, or whether they should be allowed to use these devices in exactly the same way as adults.

I do agree that social media platforms and websites have a responsibility to be more vigilant when it comes to protecting children. That feels obvious enough.

But I do wonder if we’re missing a trick with the devices themselves.

Surely it can’t be too difficult for age verification to happen on the phone itself, tied to the device and the person using it. The phone could then carry that age status with it and decide which sites, apps, and platforms it is allowed to connect to, or which features should be restricted.

That wouldn’t mean social media companies, adult sites, app stores, or messaging platforms get to wash their hands of the issue. They still have a role to play in keeping children safe.

But device-level age verification could add another layer of protection around the content children see, the messages they receive, and the platforms they can access.

I’m sure there are privacy, security, and practical issues I haven’t thought through yet. There probably always are with this kind of thing.

But as a seed of an idea, I think it’s worth looking into.

We;; this turned into a very timely post, within about four hours of me putting this post live, the BBC News reported that "Starmer tells Apple and Google to ban nude images on children's phones".

The article was a little bit interesting, as before I read it (and not being a fan of Apple products), I didn't realised that Apple has already age-verified its UK users and even offers a blocking service for several of its own apps including iMessage; so the technology is out there, we do just need the tech companies to step up to the plate and help protect the youngest in society.

Doom Scrolling and the Slot Machine Effect

There are a lot of people talking about the addictive nature of social media platforms, especially the idea of doom scrolling.

That endless feed is a geat design for these platforms, you never really get to the end of it. There’s always another post, another video, another opinion, another tiny hit of something. Good, bad, funny, annoying, useful, pointless. It just keeps coming. Very good engineering design that does make these platforms "addictive", not sure if addictive is the right term, or whether they are just designed to make it hard to stop!

I had a thought earlier about whether social media platforms are built with some of the same ideas as slot machines.

Slot machines can be addictive because they offer the possibility of a “win”. You pull the lever, or press the button, and maybe this time something good happens. Maybe this time you get the reward.

And I wonder whether doom scrolling works in a similar way.

You keep scrolling because the next great piece of content might be just one swipe away. Most of what you see might be rubbish, irritating, repetitive, or forgettable, but every now and then you find something that makes you laugh, teaches you something, shocks you, or gives you that little feeling of reward, that little hit of endorphins, which is probably the same as that slot machine win.

This is only a seed post for now, because I need to read more about it properly, but I do think there’s something interesting here. The endless scroll might not just be convenient design. It might be one of the reasons these platforms are so hard to put down.

We Basically Invented Google (kinda)

In the mid-1990s, I worked in the Marketing Department at BT in Leeds.

We were based at Butts Court at the time, and one of my mates there was Jason, better known as “Caratacus”.

For some reason, the two of us had got into the habit of thinking up questions during the morning. Not useful questions, necessarily, just odd little things we suddenly wanted answers to.

Who was that actor in that film? Where did a certain phrase come from? Who sang a particular song? What was the capital of somewhere obscure? The sort of thing that would now be settled in about four seconds on your phone, before anyone had even finished arguing about it.

But this was the mid-90s. The internet existed, technically, but not in any useful way for two lads sat in an office in Leeds trying to settle a lunchtime curiosity.

So we had our own system.

At lunchtime, we’d nip round the corner to Waterstones and start looking through the books until we found the answer.

Reference books, film books, dictionaries, atlases, encyclopaedias, whatever looked like it might do the job. We didn’t buy them, obviously. We just used Waterstones as a sort of analogue search engine with nice carpets.

And the thing is, it worked.

Ask a question. Search the available information. Find the most likely source. Check the answer. Report back with entirely unearned confidence.

Basically, Jason “Caratacus” and myself invented Google a couple of years before Google officially existed.

Admittedly, our version involved walking around the corner, manually browsing shelves, and trying not to look like we were treating a bookshop as a free research department.

But the core concept was there.

So yes, I’m not saying Larry Page and Sergey Brin stole our idea.

I’m just saying that if they’d been in Waterstones in Leeds in about 1996, they might have seen the future.

The Palms of Ocracoke (Mild Horror)

This story started while I was on holiday in Spain, staring at the palm trees opposite the Bali beds we had by the pool.

Right at the top, where the fan-shaped leaves meet the trunk, the crowns looked strangely dark. For a second I thought I saw movement up there. It was probably a bird. Probably.

But then I started wondering ...  what if something lived up there? Something humanoid, but not quite human. A spirit, maybe. Someone lost. Something waiting.

That tiny thought became The Palms of Ocracoke.

Nobody on Ocracoke liked being near the palm grove after dark.

The strange thing was that even on still evenings, when the sea air had completely died away, the fronds at the very tops of the trees still seemed to move.

The villagers had plenty of explanations for it. None of them good.

Some said a demon lived among the crowns of the trees. Others claimed to have seen something small and human-shaped moving through the darkness above them.

Whatever the truth, most people gave the grove a wide berth.

Maeve never paid much attention to the stories.

Fear had lost most of its meaning 15 years ago.

During a violent autumn storm, a sudden flood had torn through the island’s low gullies. Her 7-year-old son, a bright, spirited boy with a shock of red hair, had vanished in the deluge.

His body was never found.

The village assumed the current had swept him out to sea. Maeve had spent the years since waiting for a knock on the door that would never come.

On the 15th anniversary of the storm, Maeve walked into the palm grove for the first time.

The mud sucked at her boots. The air was thick with damp earth, salt, and rotting vegetation. Above her, the palm crowns shifted in the dark, even though the air was still.

She kept walking.

At the end of a narrow gully, the trees seemed to gather closer together. Their trunks leaned inward, as though they were listening.

Then something moved above her.

Maeve looked up.

In the crowded crown of the nearest palm, the shadows twisted. A small figure stepped out from behind the trunk and stared down at her.

Maeve didn’t scream. She didn’t run.

She looked at the figure and felt a strange, sudden ache in her chest.

“Please,” she whispered into the dark. “Don’t be afraid.”

The figure froze.

Then a sudden rush of wind swept down from the fronds.

It struck Maeve.

There was no violence in it. Instead, a flood of memory, fear, and grief burst through her mind.

The spirit entered her and was instantly overwhelmed by the weight of her sorrow. For 15 years, he had been a lost and lonely thing in the dark, acting out only because he wanted to be seen. Now, through her, he understood the hole he had left behind.

He felt her sleepless nights. Her refusal to leave the island. Her fierce, stubborn love that had never faded.

And Maeve felt him.

She saw his final moments on the day of the storm. The roar of floodwater tearing through the gully. His small hands gripping the slick bark of a palm tree as the water rose around him. The awful snap of wood. The suffocating rush of mud and debris that buried him before he could cry out for her.

He hadn’t been washed out to sea.

He had been here all along.

Trapped between worlds. Terrified. Homesick.

Maeve wrapped her arms tightly around herself, holding the spirit within her as though she were holding him as a child again.

Tears streamed down her face, but she smiled through them.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault, my sweet boy. It was just the storm. You can rest now. Momma’s here.”

She gave him everything she had left. Every ounce of love, forgiveness, and peace she had carried through all those years.

And at last, the boy stopped fighting the pull of the afterlife.

The cold fear that had gripped his soul for over a decade began to thaw.

He let go.

By morning, the fog had lifted from the grove.

The villagers found Maeve on her knees in the mud at the end of the gully, calm and tear-streaked, staring at the earth between her hands.

There, pushing through the damp soil, was a tiny palm sapling.

It was unlike any other tree in the grove.

While the rest of the palms were deep green, the very top of this young plant, where the fan leaves were just beginning to form, carried a bright, unmistakable shock of crimson.

Maeve gently touched the red frond.

“He’s home,” she whispered to the quiet forest. “He’s finally home.”

The village never feared the palm grove again.

In the years that followed, the old stories changed. People no longer spoke of demons in the crowns of the trees. Instead, they spoke of the boy who was lost, the mother who found him, and the strange little red-crowned palm that grew in the place where love had finally reached through the dark.

The People of the Airport Baggage Carousel

Got to love an airport baggage carousel, everyone stands there pretending to be relaxed, while quietly scanning a conveyor belt with the intensity of a police stakeout. I’ve started naming the different groups of people you always seem to find there, mainly for my own entertainment.

The Gatekeepers
They stake out their claim at the start of the conveyor belt like guards. For them, the holiday hasn’t properly started, or ended, until they are the very first person to touch a handle.

The Commando
He turns a routine task into a mission. Sharp elbows, intense eye contact, and absolutely no regard for the social contract of personal space, and definately no manners as he (yeah it's usually a 'he') pushes he way to the front and takes you out as he manhandles his luggae from the belt.

The Over Packers
Sweet, over-packed, and physically outmatched by their own belongings. They are usually a frail older couple who rely entirely on the unspoken airport rule that someone stronger will eventually step in to do the heavy lifting for you.

The Second-Guessers
They suffer from temporary luggage amnesia. Every ruddy suitcase that rolls past sparks a full marital debate about whether they bought a new bag before departure. Come on, you only said goodbye to it in Manchester a couple of hours ago, surely you can remember what it looked like!

The Snipers
They hang back perfectly calm. They don’t move until they spot the target, then they step in, execute a clean retrieval, and vanish towards the exit before anyone else has even noticed them.

I think I’m probably a Sniper. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

The Autograph I Never Asked For

Back in the mid-90s, I was stood on a train platform in Leeds waiting for a train down to London for a meeting, when I suddenly spotted :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}. As a massive football fan and lifelong Manchester United supporter, it genuinely stopped me in my tracks. To this day, I still think he was the greatest player ever to play in England. Effortless, unpredictable, flawed, brilliant... football’s first real rock star.

I desperately wanted to go over and ask for an autograph, but he was with a young woman and I convinced myself I shouldn’t interrupt him. It felt like his private time, and I didn’t want to become another overexcited fan shoving a scrap of paper under his nose. So I stayed quiet, watched him from a distance for a few moments, then got on my train.

And honestly... I still regret it.

Since then, I’ve gone out of my way to speak to people I admire when the opportunity appears. Not in an intrusive way, but just enough to say hello, shake a hand, or share a quick word. Life moves far too quickly to spend it worrying about looking daft for thirty seconds. Sometimes the moments you don’t take stay with you far longer than the ones you do.

In fact, writing this has reminded me to finally reach out and contact Dick Van Dyke. Funny how old regrets can still give you a little push years later.

I'm sad about dying

I don't think I'm afraid of dying.

My personal belief system tells me that life doesn't simply end, and I believe I'll be reborn in some form, somewhere.

But I do sometimes feel sad at the thought of my final days.

I honestly believe that I'll know the very last time I see the people I love; my beautiful wife and my amazing daughters. When my mind wanders in that direction, I find it very sad and painful. Even just writing this brings a ruddy tear to my eye!

I think, particularly as a parent, these thoughts hit harder than the very thought of death itself.

Not because I'll be gone. Not because I know they'll carry on without me. Simply because I'll know that I'll never see them again.

I think it's strange that I can make peace with my own ending far more easily than I can make peace with leaving the people I love behind.

I am always hopeful that:

1. I am a long way from my final days.

2. I'll learn to come to terms with the end, and not find it quite as sad as I do now.