Van Halen Were Basically a Novelty Act

I love rock music and metal, but I’ve always carried around what feels like a slightly controversial opinion about Van Halen.

To me, they often felt like a novelty act.

Not in the sense that they lacked talent, because that would be (partly) ridiculous, but in the way they presented themselves. The spandex. The songs designed solely to show off Eddie Van Halen's guitar skills. The massive hair. The goofy onstage antics. David Lee Roth bouncing around like some chaotic circus ringmaster. At times they felt less like a dangerous rock band and more like a cartoon version of one.

They definitely has the style over substance thing down to a fine art.

Sometimes they only seemed a couple of steps removed from Bad News.

And yet I do understand what Van Halen brought to the genre.

Eddie Van Halen changed rock guitar forever, and it wasn't just technically. The tapping, the tone, the production ideas, the sheer energy in his playing. Rock guitar after Eddie sounded different because of Eddie.

Then there’s the fact that I realise that novelty acts tend not to dominate arenas for over a decade. They don’t release multiple huge albums. And they definitely don’t survive replacing an iconic frontman with somebody completely different (or at least I'm struggling for an example of when they do).

Van Halen somehow pulled off one of the hardest tricks in rock history when Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth (Iron Maiden did it and just about got away with it IMHO).

Van Halen changed style massively, became more polished, more melodic, and arguably more consistent. I’d even say they became a better band under Sammy Hagar, although I know that opens up another argument entirely.

So maybe the truth is that Van Halen were both things at once.

They looked ridiculous. They acted ridiculous. Their songs are just ridiculous, and parts of the whole thing were pure theatre.

But underneath all of that was one of the most important rock bands ever assembled.

And maybe that’s why they worked so well, even though I don't like them!

The Man History Lost Twice (Historical Fiction)

A story seed inspired by the life of Herbert Henry Scaife.

We know how the official story ends.

Private Herbert Henry Scaife, 2/4th Battalion, King’s Own Yorkshire Light Infantry, was reported missing during the fighting around Bourlon Wood in France on 27th November 1917. Months later, after enquiries by the Army and the British Red Cross failed to find any trace of him, his widow Margaret was informed that he was now presumed dead.

His body was never found.

His name was carved instead onto the Cambrai Memorial at Louverval, alongside thousands of other men who vanished into the chaos of the Great War.

But what if that was not the end of Herbert’s story?

Three days after the fighting had moved on, a French farmer picked his way carefully through the shattered edges of Bourlon Wood, searching for anything the Germans might have left behind. Timber. Tools. Food. Anything useful. The war had stripped the land bare, and survival often depended on what could be scavenged from the ruins.

That was when they found him.

Half buried in churned mud and splintered branches, still wearing the remains of a British uniform. One side of his head was blackened and swollen where a shell blast had torn through the trees nearby. He was alive, but barely.

When they tried speaking to him, he gave them only one word.

“Herbert.”

He said it again later in a weak, delirious murmur while they carried him back across the frozen ground.

“Herbert...”

The farmer and his wife knew enough about the war to understand the danger. If the Germans found a wounded British soldier hidden on their land, the consequences could be severe. But leaving him there to die felt impossible too.

So they hid him.

In the broken remains of an old farm building behind the house, they cleaned his wounds as best they could, fed him small amounts of bread and broth, and waited to see whether he would survive the winter.

The strange thing was that he did not seem to know who he was.

He recognised almost nothing around him. He spoke little. Sometimes he stared blankly into space for hours at a time. But every so often, usually in the dark hours before morning, the same word returned quietly under his breath.

“Herbert.”

And so that became his name.

Years later, the family he left behind would continue to mourn the brother, husband and father who never came home.

Meanwhile, across the Channel, an ageing farm worker with a Yorkshire face and a damaged memory would slowly build another life from the ruins of the old one.

In the end, Herbert Henry Scaife had two graves.

One held his name.

The other held the man himself.

History lost Herbert twice.

England’s Best World Cup XI (2026)

Every tournament, England fans end up having the same argument.

Who exactly is our best team, our best 11 in 2026.

So as I smashed my Fastasy Premier League mini leagues again this season, I started thinking about how you’d actually build an England side if you stripped away reputation, nostalgia, social media hype, and all the endless “he’s world class” noise that follows certain players around (you know who you are).

Instead, I kept it simple.

Goals matter. Assists matter. Clean sheets matter too. Simple isn’t it for the best team.

For this little experiment, goals are worth 5 points, assists are worth 2, clean sheets are worth 5, and defenders or goalkeepers playing in teams that concede one goal or fewer per game get another 2 points.

Straight away, something interesting happens.

The side starts picking itself.

Not the most exciting England team. Not the most fashionable one either. But probably the one best built to survive international tournament football, which is often slow, tense, tactical, and decided by moments rather than domination.

The Formation

I’ve gone with a 4-3-3.

Not because it seems to be a trendy formation right now, but because it still gives the best balance between defensive shape and attacking threat. 

Also, the England squad don’t spend enough time together to play complicated systems properly, so you need a structure players either play in today or can understand very quickly.

Also a good 4-3-3 played well naturally shifts shape during matches as you gain possession then defend.

Without the ball it should become compact and difficult to break down, plenty of pressing. With the ball, we need our forwards out wide to stretch the pitch while the midfielders push up and support the attack in a coordinated layer rather than chaos.

Most importantly, it stops England trying to squeeze four number tens into the same side and hoping for magic. Like we have done before.

My Initial Team

GK: Jordan Pickford

People still seem strangely reluctant to give Pickford proper credit, but England’s defensive record with him is excellent.

I think he actually suits tournament football. He’s vocal, aggressive, quick off his line, and usually reliable when the pressure rises. He also has that slightly unhinged goalkeeper energy that great international keepers seem to possess.

You don’t always need the world’s best goalkeeper. Sometimes you just need one who consistently turns into a nightmare to beat in tournament football.

RB: Kyle Walker

I don't like the guy, and there are technically better right-backs available.

But Walker still gets in because recovery pace saves goals.

International football becomes dangerous when games stretch late on. One loose pass, one tired midfielder, one counter attack, and suddenly a centre-back is isolated. Walker cleans up situations most defenders simply cannot recover from.

His experience matters too. England sides in the past have sometimes looked mentally fragile in big moments. Walker rarely does, and he has that "hoof it out" mentality that I love on the back line.

CB: John Stones

I hate to admit it because I hate his style of play, but England still look calmer when Stones plays.

He carries the ball well, often reads danger early, and can (on good days) give the whole side composure. International football is full of nervous clearances and rushed decisions. Stones slows games down when England need control. For me though he still loves to play the with the ball at his feet too much.

He also suits a back four far more naturally than some of England’s other centre-back options.

CB: Marc Guéhi

Not flashy. Not constantly discussed. Just dependable.

Guéhi feels like one of those players managers quietly trust because he does the boring bits properly. His positioning is good, he stays calm under pressure, and he rarely turns matches into unnecessary drama.

That matters more in tournaments than people admit.

LB: Lewis Hall

This is probably my boldest selection, but I've already spoken to a few lads at work today and he'd be in their teams too.

Hall gives England something they often lack from deeper areas: genuine energy and width without becoming reckless. Modern full-backs have to contribute going forward now (like old fashioned wing-backs). Sitting deep for 90 minutes just invites pressure.

Hall also looks very comfortable receiving the ball in tight areas, which England badly need against compact sides that like to push.

DM: Declan Rice

Automatic selection here, I'm not a fan of Arsenal, but they are a solid unit.

Rice does the ugly work that allows other players to shine. He covers space quickly, protects the defence, wins second balls, and stops transitions before they become dangerous; he also likes to sometimes play an attacking role when his teams are in control, he's never reckless about it.

And while I hate agreeing with a friend of mine, you're right Owen, you notice players like Rice most when they’re missing.

CM: Jude Bellingham

Bellingham is the complete modern tournament midfielder.

He scores goals, creates chances, carries the ball through pressure, and seems completely unfazed by big occasions. There’s also a physical edge to him that England sides have sometimes lacked in midfield.

He already plays like somebody who believes he belongs at the highest level. That confidence spreads through teams.

CM: Cole Palmer

This was the hardest call, he's not had the best domestic season, but he's a player that likes to be noticed, so he's on the ball a lot, and hes got a decent distribution.

Palmer is there for goals, assists, and the big moments.

Palmer also has something slightly unusual for a young player. Nothing about him seems rushed. He plays at his own pace, even when matches become frantic around him.

That calmness feels very useful in knockout football.

RW: Bukayo Saka

Saka is probably England’s most complete attacking player right now.

He's a very reliable player. He has some intelligent movement with and without the ball. He's solid defensively when needed, and just consistent.

He rarely disappears from matches completely, which is surprisingly rare for attacking players, especially at international level.

I suppose in one word, he's trustworthy.

ST: Harry Kane

I really wish he wasn't, but I think he's still England’s best striker my a mile.

He gets himself into excellent positions and the goals keep coming, he has a excellent passing range which causes problems for defenders dropping too deep.

There are quicker forwards available. But better finishers? Strikers that are pretty decent at set-pieces and hardly misses penalties ... probably not.

LW: Anthony Gordon

International football desperately needs runners, and boy can this lad run.

Too many technically gifted teams become slow because everyone wants the ball into feet (yes Liverpool and Spurs, I'm looking at you).  Gordon stretches defences constantly, he runs beyond defenders, attacks space aggressively, and forces teams backwards.

All this creates room for Kane, Bellingham, and Palmer to operate centrally.

You can see it in defenders, there's something slightly irritating about playing against him.

So that's it

The interesting thing about building a side by simply scoring players is how quickly the balance started to show.

The best international football rarely goes to the prettiest side, it normally goes to the team that stays organised, survives difficult moments, and has enough quality to punish mistakes when they come along.

This England side feels closer to that than some of the wildly attacking versions people keep trying to build on paper every summer.

Update: Tuchel’s Starting XI

The wait is over, as I write this we are 60 minutes from kick-off against Croatia, and things have now got interesting.

Thomas Tuchel’s starting England XI is now out for the Croatia game, and it’s closer to my thinking than I actually expected.

England are set up in a 4-2-3-1:

Pickford; James, Stones, Konsa, O’Reilly; Anderson, Rice; Madueke, Bellingham, Gordon; Kane.

That isn’t exactly my 4-3-3, but it’s not a million miles away either.

The main difference is the midfield. I had Rice holding with Bellingham and Palmer either side. Tuchel has gone safer, using Rice and Anderson as a double pivot, then pushing Bellingham into the number 10 role behind Kane which is a good move and one I bet Bellingham will relish.

Croatia are still the sort of side that can punish loose midfield spacing. They’ve got experience, rhythm, and they like to hold up play and pass with uber deliberacy (is that a word?) that makes games feel slower than they really are. So Tuchel has clearly prioritised control before chaos (the right move).

The Saka situation also explains Madueke on the right. If Saka is being managed because of the Achilles problem, Madueke gives England direct running without asking Saka to push through a game he might not be fully ready for.

Gordon starting on the left is pleasing from the point of view of my original selection. I wanted that runner in the front three. England need someone who stretches the pitch and gives Kane, Bellingham and Rice more room to play, Gordon will do that. Plus Gordon can play in the middle too.

Konsa coming in also fits my defensive reliability idea, he's not who I would have picked, but I guess he’s a quick defender who just plays sensible football and doesn't shout 'look at me' (yes I'm looking at you Stones).

So, while I’d still have picked Palmer in my own version, Tuchel’s team does follow the same broad idea:

Keep the structure strong. Protect the middle. Use direct wide players. Let Bellingham play close to Kane.

It’s not the most romantic England XI, but World Cups are rarely won by romance.

They’re usually won by teams that stay compact, make fewer mistakes, and have enough quality in the final third to punish the one or two openings that actually arrive.

I heard an interview with Kane a couple of days ago where he said that the fans like to see England play attractive football, I don’t give a shit Harry, I want a team that will win, not one that will put on a theatre performance. Nothing wrong with winning ugly.

Prediction Corner

Just for fun, I’m going to keep track of predictions during the tournament.

My wife wanted to be part of this too, so here are our game predications with the actual results. No pressure, obviously. Apart from the entire internet being able to check later. Oh yeah, and I let ChatGPT predict the results too.

Match	Mine	Wife	AI	Actual Result
England v Croatia	2-1 England	2-0 England	2-1 England	4-2 England
England v Ghana	3-1 England		3-1 England
Panama v England	3-0 England		4-0 England

My Wedding Speech

As a Digital Garden is designed to help catch and record all of those things that would otherwise go missing, I have copied my wedding speech below from our wedding on Saturday, 31 December 2022 .

If you ever read this, just know that I was going for warm, funny, emotional, a little scruffy around the edges in a good way, and very much just like me.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my wife and I...” (wait for cheering and applause) “...would like to thank you all for being here today. Some of you had tough journeys to get here, and we really appreciate it.

I’ve married Mrs Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was Always!

On any day this would be an amazing day, but after a tough couple of years for everyone, for different reasons, today feels extra special.

I’m going to talk about Debs in a few moments, but first we have some thank yous to get through.

Firstly, we are truly blessed to have all of you with us today.

Debs’ mum, Jacqui, you have been a rock for both of us. You helped make Debs who she is today, and you welcomed me from day one. Thank you.

Matron of Honour, Babs, and Bridesmaid, Kat, thank you for taking care of Debs in the run-up to the wedding and for being by her side today. Your support is appreciated by both of us.

My best people... two of the most amazing daughters anyone could ask for, both of whom periodically checked in with me over the last couple of months to make sure everything was on track. Thank you for the wild stag do in Scarborough, one of the best weekends of my life. I think it must be one of the only stag dos ever that also managed to get a load of washing and drying done!

HAND OUT GIFTS

There are some people who can’t be with us today, and it’s fair to say we wouldn’t be the people we are without them. They will always be with us ... my mum, my grandparents, and Debs’ grandparents. Please raise a glass.

Thanks to everyone who had anything to do with making sure this wedding went off without a hitch. Etsy, Amazon, and Jimmy Choo. Seriously though, thank you to everyone involved, including Connor, Rachel, and the hotel staff, who have been superb. Lost a point there, Connor, for not being available when I locked myself out of the hotel early this morning! ... but more importantly, thanks to the very understanding bank manager.

And finally, with no offence to anyone else in the room ... they’re gorgeous, funny, light up any room, and are a bit of a snazzy dresser. George couldn’t stop complimenting me earlier, and I know he won’t be happy that I’ve told everyone that!

Seriously though ... Debs, I couldn’t ask for a better friend, partner, soulmate, or wife.

You are such a kind and supportive soul.

I was so looking forward to seeing you walk down the aisle today, and you looked amazing. You took my breath away ... but you do that every single day.

We spend our days laughing together and sharing silly moments. Oh, the laughing ... some jokes better than others. Singing ... some tunes better than others. We say we love each other countless times every day. We are inseparable. We hold hands everywhere ... when we’re out, on the sofa, or just shopping ... and there is always love between us. There always will be.

My heart is full of love for you, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

You mean the world to me, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together and fall deeper in love with you every single day.

To Debs. *toast*

I HATE My Handwriting

I really do hate my handwriting.

I often look back at things I’ve written and I can’t make heads or tails of them. It’s my own writing, from my own hand, and even I sit there trying to decode it like I’ve found an ancient scroll in a drawer with ruddy hieroglyphs all over it .

I blame my old school. I’m of an age where we had to write with fountain pens. Not only that, but we had to go through our Penmanship grades. I did get my Grade 1 Penmanship, by the way, so at some point in history I was officially good at this.

The problem was that we also had to write in italics. So today, my handwriting has these very angular and slanty, and ittends to be an extreme slant. It looks like the words are trying to leave the page before I’ve finished writing them.

Apparently, according to handwriting experts, this sort of slant can suggest someone is impulsive and has a penchant for oversharing ... which is probably fair.

I also apparently have a large “upper zone”. That means the taller parts of my letters usually go higher than they should. This is meant to suggest someone who thinks a lot, has creative hobbies, and has big future aspirations or goals.  I mean, I do write beer reviews and make videos, so I’ll take that bit.

Less kindly, big upper zones are also linked with being slightly disconnected from reality, with a bit of a head-in-the-clouds mentality.  Cheek.

The truth is, my handwriting just isn’t attractive. It never looks relaxed. It never looks casual. It looks like it has been trained too hard and has never quite recovered.

And when I try to fight against that old style of writing, which I do quite a lot, it ends up looking even worse. The original shape is still there underneath, but now it’s annoyed.

So I’m stuck with handwriting that I don’t like, can’t easily change, and can barely read.

Still, at least I’ve got the Grade 1 Penmanship certificate floating around somewhere ... so winner 😀

Air Fryer Chickpea Protein Flatbread

I used to make a easy microwave Dukan Bread, but I found that microwaving it and then grilling it was a faff; so I developed this simple high-protein chickpea flatbread made in the air fryer. It is somewhere between a flatbread, a soft naan, and it works for me.

The main trick is letting the batter rest before cooking, because that helps it hold together properly (before this I found it could crumble a little).

Ingredients

• 100g drained tinned chickpeas
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp oat bran
• 1 tbsp Greek yoghurt or cottage cheese
• Pinch of baking powder
• Salt and black pepper
• Garlic powder, smoked paprika, chilli flakes, or herbs (all optional)
• Light oil spray for the baking paper

Method

1. Add the chickpeas, egg, oat bran, yoghurt (or cottage cheese), baking powder, and seasoning to a blender.
2. Blend until smooth. The batter should be thick but pourable. If its too thick, add a little water, or more yoghurt/cottage cheese.
3. Leave the batter to rest for 10 to 15 minutes. This helps the oat bran and chickpeas hydrate, which makes the flatbread less likely to crumble.
4. Line the flat section of the air fryer with baking paper and spray lightly with oil.
5. Pour the batter onto the paper and spread it into a thin, even layer. Aim for about 0.5cm thick.
6. Air fry at 180°C for 10 to 14 minutes, until the top looks dry and the flatbread feels firm when gently nudged.
7. Do not flip it too early. If the underside is only just cooked, leave it a few more minutes.
8. Once cooked, rest it for 2 to 3 minutes before lifting from the paper.

Notes

If it crumbles, it probably needed more resting time or a few more minutes to set. You can also add another teaspoon of oat bran, or a teaspoon of plain flour, if you want a firmer texture.

If it feels too dry, add an extra spoon of yoghurt or cottage cheese next time. A teaspoon of olive oil in the batter also gives it a softer finish.

Estimated nutrition for the full flatbread is roughly 260 to 320 calories, with around 16 to 20g of protein, depending on the yoghurt or cottage cheese used.

Little Wins

I don't know if your like me, but I can spend far too much time worrying about big things; so I decided to keep a list of all my Little Wins ... small moments that made me smile, laugh, lifted my mood, restored a tiny bit of faith in humanity, or just left me quietly satisfied for reasons that probably make no sense to anyone else.

Not life-changing moments. Just tiny victories. The sort of things that barely matter in the grand scheme of things, but somehow still improve your day.

---

Saturday 6th June 2026

I’m sure I’m going to have lots more days like this, but today I felt like a proper Grandy to our beautiful grandson Freddie.

We met Freddie and his mum at Taylor Hill Animal Farm in Huddersfield. I carried him loads, and we saw all sorts of animals, including fish, turtles, sheep, hens, ducks, and rabbits.

We had lots of laughter from him today. I helped him with his lunch, he walked to me, and a couple of times he properly cuddled in. Those are the little moments that absolutely get you.

He won a small octopus toy with his Nana on Hook a Duck, and a couple of cuddly toys, a bear and a donkey, on a tombola. We also bought him a wind-up tractor book.

Such a gorgeous boy. Such a great day.

Remember Freddie "Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit ..."

Monday 25th May 2026

Our grandson Freddie was 1 year old today, and we had a party for him at my daughter's house. As an added bonus, my other daughter was there too.

What a gorgeous little boy he is. The sun was shining, we were all sat in the back garden, and Freddie was on great form. It can sometimes take him a minute or two to realise that everyone around him is a friendly face, but once he settles in, he's such a joy to be around.

A couple of moments really stood out for me. First, his Nana Deb came out of the house and he was more than happy to be carried and cuddled by her for ages. Second, I was wearing a summer straw cowboy hat and he became fascinated by it.

At first, he loved taking it off my head and dropping it on the floor with howls of laughter. Later, with a little help from Grandy, he started taking it off my head and putting it back on again. He had the most gorgeous laugh as he did it.

It was an absolute joy to spend time with the little fella on his very first birthday.

Friday 22nd May 2026

It feels like it's been a long week today, but with Bank Holiday Monday, it's only actually been four days!

In many ways, it's been a pretty challenging week at work. We've had our share of issues across Sales and Marketing, and at times it felt like things could easily have gone off the rails.

I can't go into the details because it's commercially sensitive, but what I can say is that I'm genuinely proud of the work I've done this week. The communications plan and content I put together helped turn what could have been a very difficult situation into something much more manageable.

Anyone that does a similar role to me will know that marketing doesn't always get the credit when things go right, and that's fine. Sometimes the satisfaction comes from knowing you've done your job well, even if most people never see the work that went into it.

So, despite the frustrations and challenges, I'm leaving work tonight feeling pretty chuffed with myself ... and walking a little taller because of it.

Monday 25th May 2026

OMG, what an absolutely brilliant day today.

It’s been a glorious Bank Holiday weekend, with temperatures in our back garden hitting 42°C. We’ve mostly just lounged around doing very little, enjoying the sunshine and spending time together.

But today was extra special, because today was Freddie’s first birthday.

As well as seeing both of my daughters, Freddie himself was an absolute joy. We don’t get to see him often because they live so far away. We catch up on FaceTime, but it’s never quite the same.

Today though, he smiled and laughed the entire time we were with him.

At one point, he found it hilarious to take my summer straw cowboy-style hat off my head and throw it on the floor, only for me to pick it back up and put it on again so he could repeat the whole process. Later on, while I was holding him, he was crying with laughter as he took my hat off and carefully placed it back onto his Grandy’s head.

He also had the longest cuddle with his Nana.

He’s such a loved little boy, and today was just amazing.

Friday 8th May 2026

We were staying at the H10 Salou Princess in Salou, Spain, and had rented one of the hotel’s Balinese beds for €25. After we’d settled in, someone wandered over and decided to sunbathe on the bed next to ours without paying for it.

Now, a lot of people probably wouldn’t care. But I did.

So I wandered down to reception and quietly mentioned it. A few minutes later, a member of staff came up and asked them if they wanted to rent the bed properly. They suddenly lost interest, gathered their things, and moved on.

And honestly... I was absurdly satisfied.

Not because anyone got told off. Not because I wanted an argument. Just because, for once, the world briefly worked exactly as it should.

Monday 27th April 2026

At ProSolve, we tend to take our time when refreshing the brochure. As it changes every 12 months, we can have hundreds of new products to add, along with countless amendments.

So when our Sales Director challenged me to get one completed, printed, and ready within two weeks, with 165 new products to add and endless changes to make, it felt like a massive ask.

But I said “yes”.  And today, 14 days later, I did it.  Very chuffed ... and just in time for an event too.