Noisy eating brings out, what I think, is a very reasonable response. When someone is sat there chewing with their mouth open, talking through food, and making every mouthful sound like a plumbing emergency, I can feel my patience leaving my body.
I’m talking about people who eat with their mouth open, talk with food in their mouth, take bites that are clearly far too big to chew properly, noises that seem to fill the whole room. Once I’ve noticed it, that’s it. I can’t unhear it, I can’t ignore it, and I certainly can’t enjoy sitting at the same table pretending everything is fine.
To me, it’s not just a harmless habit. It’s rude. Really rude. Eating with other people should come with a few very basic rules, and "keep your mouth closed while chewing" feels like it should be somewhere near the top of the list. It’s not advanced etiquette. It’s not silver service. It’s just the bare minimum of not making everyone else experience your food at the same time as you.
Talking with food in your mouth is just as bad. I don’t need to see what you’re eating while you’re explaining something to me, or see your food sprayed all over the table. Finish the mouthful, then speak. The conversation will survive the three-second delay. In fact, it might even improve if part of your lunch isn’t trying to join in.
I know this probably makes me sound grumpy, but I genuinely find it difficult to share a table with people who eat like that. It completely ignores basic table manners, and more than that, it ignores the other people sat around you. I think that’s the bit that bothers me most. It’s not just noise, it’s a lack of awareness.
And yes, I know people have different habits, different upbringings, and different levels of tolerance for this sort of thing. I’m sure there are things I do that annoy other people too. But eating with your mouth open, smacking your lips, slurping and talking through a half-chewed sandwich shouldn’t be defended as personal expression. It’s not quirky. It’s not relaxed. It’s just rude.
I don’t want formal dining rules. I don’t care which fork someone uses, and I’m not expecting anyone to dab politely at the corner of their mouth with a linen napkin (but seeing people wipe their mouth or the back of there hand isn’t nice to see, and don't get me started on people that lick their knife). I just want people to chew quietly, keep their mouth closed, and not make the rest of us feel like unwilling witnesses to the entire digestive process.
Surely that’s not too much to ask.
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